What you described sounds remarkable like my marriage before she transitioned and where we are now. We are not intimate, have not been in over a decade, but we are connected on an intellectual level that neither of us are willing to let go of nor think we can find in another person.
I wish my wife could have been like that. Originally, there was much more about her in the article, but I took almost all of it out because I didn’t want to hurt her in any way, even though everything I’d written was absolutely lovely and complimentary. I even cut the summary.
The truth is that what I’m looking for is, in many ways, was what she was. That’s rather sad, but I have to accept it.
When I first found out that my spouse was transitioning I left. I said I was 100% out of the marriage. And yet, as I learned more about who she was, how she had always been this way, what she did to fight it for years, etc I came to realize that the reason I fell in love with this person was BECAUSE she was trans. She was "not like other guys." The part I had to let go of was the physical representation of her male physique. The person inside is the same. It is not easy. I found out on November 12. She too has chose the fastest most aggressive path to transition, with surgeries and procedures scheduled in quick succession, all at age 57. She is a software engineer who made the same calculations as you and I feel like we have been living in a state of 'pre-op/post-op/recovery" for nearly a year. But in those quiet moments when we are just hanging out bickering over the same old shit, or talking about future plans, I realize that she brings me comfort, that we get understand each other, that I would not be happy with anyone else. But trust me, this is the hardest thing I have ever endured.
Do you know what? The irony is that there was a period where I think she thought a little bit like you. But then, as it all became real, the circle just wouldn’t square. It just wouldn’t.
And yes, the parallels between us do seem almost uncanny at times. And quite funny, really
Damn. No dating here until the SRS is done, like you, no interest in being a fetish fulfillment for someone. 57 also. Sigh. If only you weren't an ocean away, I bet we'd be good friends. Ah well. I'm focused on getting my kids out to their lives. Working on doing as much transition with minimal surgery. Voice improving daily - 2 months of silence ain't happening here.
No dating until it's done, and no interest in being someone's fetish. Two entirely sensible positions and I held both of them. The silence was miserable and I'd have skipped it if there had been any other route open to me, so I'm glad yours is improving without it. And yes, I think we would be.
There's a whole genre of these now, which I take as a good sign. Mine ended with a pair of earrings left behind in my house and a conclusion I wasn't expecting, so I'll be curious where yours got to.
An inverse relationship with dating is a neater way of putting it than anything I managed in two thousand words. The clearer I got about who I was, the smaller the field got, and I've decided I don't mind.
Working on it is about where I am too, if I'm honest. Increasingly at peace is the most I'd claim, and increasingly is doing a fair bit of work in that sentence.
What you described sounds remarkable like my marriage before she transitioned and where we are now. We are not intimate, have not been in over a decade, but we are connected on an intellectual level that neither of us are willing to let go of nor think we can find in another person.
I wish my wife could have been like that. Originally, there was much more about her in the article, but I took almost all of it out because I didn’t want to hurt her in any way, even though everything I’d written was absolutely lovely and complimentary. I even cut the summary.
The truth is that what I’m looking for is, in many ways, was what she was. That’s rather sad, but I have to accept it.
When I first found out that my spouse was transitioning I left. I said I was 100% out of the marriage. And yet, as I learned more about who she was, how she had always been this way, what she did to fight it for years, etc I came to realize that the reason I fell in love with this person was BECAUSE she was trans. She was "not like other guys." The part I had to let go of was the physical representation of her male physique. The person inside is the same. It is not easy. I found out on November 12. She too has chose the fastest most aggressive path to transition, with surgeries and procedures scheduled in quick succession, all at age 57. She is a software engineer who made the same calculations as you and I feel like we have been living in a state of 'pre-op/post-op/recovery" for nearly a year. But in those quiet moments when we are just hanging out bickering over the same old shit, or talking about future plans, I realize that she brings me comfort, that we get understand each other, that I would not be happy with anyone else. But trust me, this is the hardest thing I have ever endured.
Do you know what? The irony is that there was a period where I think she thought a little bit like you. But then, as it all became real, the circle just wouldn’t square. It just wouldn’t.
And yes, the parallels between us do seem almost uncanny at times. And quite funny, really
Damn. No dating here until the SRS is done, like you, no interest in being a fetish fulfillment for someone. 57 also. Sigh. If only you weren't an ocean away, I bet we'd be good friends. Ah well. I'm focused on getting my kids out to their lives. Working on doing as much transition with minimal surgery. Voice improving daily - 2 months of silence ain't happening here.
No dating until it's done, and no interest in being someone's fetish. Two entirely sensible positions and I held both of them. The silence was miserable and I'd have skipped it if there had been any other route open to me, so I'm glad yours is improving without it. And yes, I think we would be.
Apropos. I wrote about this same topic a few days ago. Check out “Shameless”.
There's a whole genre of these now, which I take as a good sign. Mine ended with a pair of earrings left behind in my house and a conclusion I wasn't expecting, so I'll be curious where yours got to.
More an exploration on how my identity seems to have an inverse relationship with dating. But some of what you shared resonates.
An inverse relationship with dating is a neater way of putting it than anything I managed in two thousand words. The clearer I got about who I was, the smaller the field got, and I've decided I don't mind.
haha I’m clear about who I am too; the field has certainly gotten smaller. Just… working on that last part 😉
Working on it is about where I am too, if I'm honest. Increasingly at peace is the most I'd claim, and increasingly is doing a fair bit of work in that sentence.