Oh my do I ever identify with this one. I had files hidden on my computer, a special program to access usenet that needed a password to open it just in case a friend was over playing on my computer and chanced upon it. So bloody paranoid, so useless. Late 90's to early 00's. Never did a video of myself or even a photo. Was too scared it'd be found. Shortly afterwards I'd get married and bury June deep for 2 more decades. Sigh. If I hadn't my kids wouldn't be here, and they are the light of my life so I guess it worked out.
That it was. To be so close to coming out, then slamming the brakes was hard. But without that my kids wouldn't exist so something good came of it. Plus I felt deep love for the only time, something wonderful. Maybe someday I'll get that again. Starting to feel attraction to women, real attraction not just "damn she looks good", but "wonder what life with her would be like" again.
Oh my do I ever identify with this one. I had files hidden on my computer, a special program to access usenet that needed a password to open it just in case a friend was over playing on my computer and chanced upon it. So bloody paranoid, so useless. Late 90's to early 00's. Never did a video of myself or even a photo. Was too scared it'd be found. Shortly afterwards I'd get married and bury June deep for 2 more decades. Sigh. If I hadn't my kids wouldn't be here, and they are the light of my life so I guess it worked out.
A password on the usenet program, in case a mate came round. The lengths we went to, and nobody was even looking.
And it worked out, by the sound of it. Two decades is a long time to hold your breath though. x
That it was. To be so close to coming out, then slamming the brakes was hard. But without that my kids wouldn't exist so something good came of it. Plus I felt deep love for the only time, something wonderful. Maybe someday I'll get that again. Starting to feel attraction to women, real attraction not just "damn she looks good", but "wonder what life with her would be like" again.
“Wonder what life with her would be like” is the one that counts. The other sort you can have about a billboard.
And it does come back. Later than you’d like, and in the wrong order, but it comes back. x