We Are Not All the Same
The Tribes of Transgenderland!!
Today I am almost certainly getting my official membership of the Tranny Society revoked.
They’re probably having an emergency meeting about me as we speak.
Because I’m about to say something deeply sacrilegious in modern trans discourse:
We are not all the same.
Not even close.
We’re not even in the same bloody solar system.
Pretending we are is why we all get lumped together as perverts, fetishists, activists, blue-haired banshees, and bricks in frocks.
Spend more than six minutes in Transgenderland™ and you realise something obvious:
There are tribes. Distinct tribes.
Different vibes, different biology, different neuroses.
But for political convenience, we get flattened into “THE TRANS COMMUNITY,” like we’re all sharing a hive mind and a Google calendar.
Well, bollocks to that.
Let’s do a safari.
1. The Early-Transitioning Hyper-Gays
Despite what the nasty bastards on Twitter/X say, these lot look good. They transition well. They’ve got good aesthetic taste. They know what a woman is supposed to look like but usually with an added dose of camp.
Glitter, charisma, collagen, TikTok, done.
Think Dylan Mulvaney .
They transition at 19 and look so good it’s personally offensive.
They post “Do I pass?” on Reddit.
Yes, darling. You pass. You’re gorgeous. Now piss off and let the rest of us age in peace.
Honestly, they look so good they should be banned from public spaces until the rest of us have finished our surgeries.
2. The Fetishists
Right, here we go.
Welcome to the uncanny valley.
Age range: 35 to 60.
Genetic material: male.
Aesthetic: “Divorcee going to a fetish night in Wolverhampton.”
They wear PVC mini-skirts that scream, “I Googled ‘woman costume’ and this is what came up.”
They’re bald.
They’re sweating.
They’re “vibrating with excitement” and not in a spiritual way.
They’re not trying to be women.
They’re trying to be a male fantasy of a woman — like a sort of Poundland Jessica Rabbit.
Some of them have breasts so enormous I swear you could use them as shock absorbers on a Land Rover.
I know it sounds horrible.
But this tribe is real.
And they creep the bejesus out of me.
I spend half my time online shouting,
“We’re not all like this! I swear! Look at me! I wear thermal socks and sensible jumpers!”
3. The Blue-Haired Septum-Pierced Activist Brigade
These ones are like the student union on acid.
They don’t live in the real world, they live in a constant state of performance.
Everything is theory.
Everything is oppression.
Everything is a micro-pronoun.
They change their names and pronouns every week like they’re trying on new WiFi passwords.
“Call me Fae!”
“Call me Xer!”
“Call me Femflux Demigirl Unicornflux!”
I’m sorry what?
Are you a fucking woman or an IKEA product line?
Their houses are covered in trans flags
They say the word queer at least 15 times an hour.
And they get offended at everything.
They get offended at things that haven’t happened yet.
4. The Bricks
The ones built like absolute units.
Shoulders like a Volvo XC90.
Neck thicker than my thigh.
Wearing a floral dress that’s fighting for its life.
These are the ones who transition just by necking a bit of estrogen, then say,
“Job done. I’ll just stand here.”
No attempt at softness.
No attempt at styling.
No attempt at… anything.
They look like a bouncer at a drag brunch.
It’s “Rachel Levine chic”.
They just do hormones and fried breakfasts… the end!! . Now give me a fucking double bacon butty.
5. And Then There’s Me and the Rest of Us
Not fetishistic.
Not a blue-haired activist shouting “girl dick, girl dick”.
Not a concrete slab in a frock.
Not a 22-year-old twink on TikTok, creaming it in on OnlyFans.
I’m… normal-ish.
I buy groceries in Tesco.
You pay bills.
I watch telly.
We try not to frighten pensioners.
I’m just trying to blend into women’s world in an age-appropriate way with a spritz of glamour
There are loads of trans women like that, we’re just too boring to trend on Twitter.
We’re the quiet ones.
The “just trying to get through the day without causing a fucking scene” ones.
Now tell me…
Was that grovelling enough at the end for me to keep my Tranny Society membership card?
Funny descriptions and so accurate 😀…
I feel like some of the phrasing here is a little too strong. I know you gave a warning at the start, but I worry it might cause genuine pain for many readers. However, I totally understand why you felt the need to write it this way. Those difficult realities are true, and it's because of them that the rest of us—you, me, and the wider community—end up suffering the consequences. Thank you for this important post. I actually found myself smiling a lot while reading; the observations are truly spot-on!