Very relatable article Stevie - i often think about this - i believe everyone connected to my ex hates me. Its certainly not my family friends or colleagues although we can never be sure what anyone really believes or thinks. Although Hate is a loaded word and is probably heightened by our own insecurity and anxiety. In reality ´ghosting’ or middle class syndrome of´ignore reject deny’ is more common which in my case causes me to think this is hateful. Its possible these people don’t hate - they prefer avoidance and what you don’t see you can forget about. Its unpleasant but then having lived a life of relative privilege its not the worst thing in life to suffer.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I agree with you that “hate” is a strong word. When I used it, I was aware it was a journalistic term, but I also used it because I had said that word to the nurse at the time and wanted to remain faithful to that moment. Still, I recognise that the reality is more nuanced.
What I experience feels less like simple hatred and more like an amplification of whatever the underlying driver already is. For some family members, that driver seems to be a pre-existing dislike of trans people. For others, it appears rooted in concern, whether genuine or projected, about the future wellbeing of my wife and children, financially or otherwise.
So yes, it’s more complex than a single word can capture in a short article. That said, in terms of both velocity and intensity, the reaction does seem to correlate strongly, in my case, with the position taken by my almost ex-wife.
Oh, and on a lighter note, I had a look at your profile. You look great. Genuinely.
It felt so strange to read about that person in your story... someone with so much power that they could shape what everyone else thinks. To me, that is where the real monster hides. But you know? I think you’ve finally broken free from those sharp claws, and you’re safe now.
When I told my wife that I am a woman, she was so hurt... She called me a monster and said I’d ruined everything for her, me, and our daughter. She wanted a divorce right away.
I gently asked her to wait and see. I promised not to rush things—no sudden changes, just small steps. She agreed, but a cold silence lived between us for a long time.
My journey has been slow. My HRT was a bit 'bumpy' with long breaks, so I didn't change much at first. But for the last year and a half, I’ve been consistent, found the right dose, and started getting fit! Now, the changes are blooming beautifully.
As summer whispers closer, I won't be able to hide under big, fluffy clothes anymore. My true self will be visible to everyone, so in six months, I’ve decided to come out at work. My transformation is for me—I just want to be happy with the person I see in the mirror.
I’m thinking about the divorce too, now. It’s not that I’m not 'good enough' for her—it’s that she might not be right for me anymore. My daughter is such an amazing girl; she accepts me as I am, but she really wants us to stay together. It's so hard... Soon I’ll have to make big decisions, but my most important mission is to protect my sweet girl’s heart. She’s just incredible. ✨
Very relatable article Stevie - i often think about this - i believe everyone connected to my ex hates me. Its certainly not my family friends or colleagues although we can never be sure what anyone really believes or thinks. Although Hate is a loaded word and is probably heightened by our own insecurity and anxiety. In reality ´ghosting’ or middle class syndrome of´ignore reject deny’ is more common which in my case causes me to think this is hateful. Its possible these people don’t hate - they prefer avoidance and what you don’t see you can forget about. Its unpleasant but then having lived a life of relative privilege its not the worst thing in life to suffer.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I agree with you that “hate” is a strong word. When I used it, I was aware it was a journalistic term, but I also used it because I had said that word to the nurse at the time and wanted to remain faithful to that moment. Still, I recognise that the reality is more nuanced.
What I experience feels less like simple hatred and more like an amplification of whatever the underlying driver already is. For some family members, that driver seems to be a pre-existing dislike of trans people. For others, it appears rooted in concern, whether genuine or projected, about the future wellbeing of my wife and children, financially or otherwise.
So yes, it’s more complex than a single word can capture in a short article. That said, in terms of both velocity and intensity, the reaction does seem to correlate strongly, in my case, with the position taken by my almost ex-wife.
Oh, and on a lighter note, I had a look at your profile. You look great. Genuinely.
It felt so strange to read about that person in your story... someone with so much power that they could shape what everyone else thinks. To me, that is where the real monster hides. But you know? I think you’ve finally broken free from those sharp claws, and you’re safe now.
When I told my wife that I am a woman, she was so hurt... She called me a monster and said I’d ruined everything for her, me, and our daughter. She wanted a divorce right away.
I gently asked her to wait and see. I promised not to rush things—no sudden changes, just small steps. She agreed, but a cold silence lived between us for a long time.
My journey has been slow. My HRT was a bit 'bumpy' with long breaks, so I didn't change much at first. But for the last year and a half, I’ve been consistent, found the right dose, and started getting fit! Now, the changes are blooming beautifully.
As summer whispers closer, I won't be able to hide under big, fluffy clothes anymore. My true self will be visible to everyone, so in six months, I’ve decided to come out at work. My transformation is for me—I just want to be happy with the person I see in the mirror.
I’m thinking about the divorce too, now. It’s not that I’m not 'good enough' for her—it’s that she might not be right for me anymore. My daughter is such an amazing girl; she accepts me as I am, but she really wants us to stay together. It's so hard... Soon I’ll have to make big decisions, but my most important mission is to protect my sweet girl’s heart. She’s just incredible. ✨